Deadpool #30

Written by Gerry Duggan
Penciled by Mike Hawthorne
Cover by Mike Hawthorne
Published May 10, 2017

   Scott Adsit puts his resignation letter from SHIELD in the mail, as well as goodbye letters - even one to Deadpool. He walks to the bridge to jump, first throwing his SHIELD badge and then nearly throwing his pistol before seeing a couple others who beat him to the punch. Meanwhile, a missile with a payload of supplies for the International Space Station takes off. Overshooting the target, Deadpool is on board it as well. He tells the crew he is taking their ship to space to gather weapons to finally kill his nemesis Madcap. As he's nearly unkillable, the being who was once merged with Deadpool is gonna take a lot of firepower to bring down. He lands on the moon in search of the Watcher's tomb. Once there he loots various things, even watching some of the mystical being's disaster porn. Looking for a live battle to join, he finds one. He somehow finds a surfboard and launches a sail in the air, propelling himself along with it.

You take your car to work... I'll take my murderboard.

   He lands on a world at war. As he draws his, um, lightsaber - he begins decapitating various combatants. Finally kicking one in the nuts, he calms him down long enough to have a conversation. Over the course of the next painful and space wasting pages, it turns out he's looking for Knowhere. After a long and unnecessary "who's on first" routine, he kills the alien and then has a nervous breakdown. The Nova Corps swings by overhead and takes the fetal positioned Deadpool to Emerald Station - Now commanded by none other than Scott Adsit. He addresses the new Nova recruits including a Skrull who won't wear his helmet. Being accused of Species-ism, he walks away only to discover Deadpool. Adsit tells him he joined the Nova Corps just to get away from him. Deadpool asks him to bring him to the armory, and later asks him about the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. Scott tells him it would be the "Ultimate Nullifier" and Wade immediately asks the computer to print him a copy. Taking it, he teases some card playing Novas who freak out, and tells them he's headed for Knowhere.

Oh.. Don't get up.

   Word quickly spreads around the galaxy that some idiot is armed with the nullifier. Hemdall calls Asgard to notice and Lady Sif commands a viking ship to war. Deadpool nears the giant celestial head known as Knowhere and immediately finds a pimp to sell him weapons. He brings him to a bar where various arms dealers and Thor folk are there awaiting him. Lady Sif demands the weapon and he leaps behind the bar, pulling out a laser. he disintegrates one of the bigger aliens before being disarmed by a viking. Pulling his swords, he chops the arms off the guy. As more and more death ensues, Sif demands he stand down. Instead he shoots the now armless guy sending him to the viking afterlife. He's scarcely welcome though, and they mock him for losing to Deadpool.

Can somebody please give this guy a hand...?

   Back in the land of the living, Sif cuts Deadpools arm off. Taking a few jabs at each other, he mocks her for dating Thunderstrike when a massive brood alien comes crashing in. They both engage the monster, with Wade getting vomited on and later severely intoxicated. As the Asgardians and other aliens keep fighting the brood, it turns out more and more that Deadpool is not ok. They eventually defeat the queen, and as they plan on how to dissect Wade to get the nullifier back, he gets up. Only he's far from ok. A scene from aliens plays out, as a scary looking beast protrudes from Wade's chest, killing random others around him. Sif throws a punch and the little monster vomits in her eyes, blinding her. She staggers outside the bars offering gold to whomever can kill Deadpool. Equipping the parasite with a tiny Deadpool mask, he hacks scores of people apart singing "Time Of My Life" from Dirty Dancing. Or if you're too young - that song from the Sandals commercials. 

And I'd do it all again!

He murders everyone. Eventually the spree draws the attention of Rocket Raccoon, though even he's not up to the challenge. He picks up a beer, even pouring some out for his little homey.

   Wade is ready for the little guy to go, but it crosses it's little bug arms in refusal. Sadly for him this isn't an option, and Deadpool saws the little bastard in half with a chainsaw. It scurries off and Wade expels the rest of it's body like popping a huge zit. Suddenly a well dressed man approaches him. With a hawk on his shoulder, Monark Starstalker introduces himself to "Santa Claus" aka Wade Wilson. He offers to purchase the Nullifier for a buyer but Wade tries to skeef the guys blaster instead. He fires a shot into Deadpool's chest but the Merc with a Mouth gets right back up. Speaking to an unknown individual over comms, he tells him the nullifier is a fake but he might be interested in the subject himself. Monark brings him to the Collector himself, who is interested in Wade's regenerating powers after Monark shoots his hand off and it regrows. After some discussion, the Collector isn't interested in Deadpool. But what he is interested in is Madcap.

It's not art but it'll do.

   The Collector gives Wade a tour of his museum. Using a special mirror, he's able to gather enough info about the psychotic clown and decides he wants it. Deadpool tells him they have a deal, and the Collector gives him a special beacon to activate once he finds him. Asking for any special instructions once he acquires him and he says a steady diet of pickles and the Ghostbusters theme. Wade swipes a white studded glove and gives Monark a going away present - a live grenade. Porting him back to Knowhere, he asks the bartender for something strong. Back where he came from, Monark explodes and the Collector puts him back together - though Santa Claus of Earth has made an enemy for life. 

   Wade sits at the bar drowning his sorrows, still wearing the Michael Jackson glove, when a green skinned lady of the night comes looking for company. She gives him a special elixir which will make him unbeatable, for some reason, but before leaving asks her how much for an hour of her time. Recapping his adventures, he goes over the highs and lows of his space adventure. But before leaving he gives his old buddy Scott Adsit a romp with the lady of his dreams.
   Ok... recapping this comic book is becoming excruciating and there's still like 11 pages left. So blah blah blah blah.. He comes back and the Hydra controlled Captain America is there, recruiting him for what will become Deadpool: Secret Empire. And with that, this ridiculous 80 page comic comes to a well appreciated close.

I made it through 80 pages of this and all I get is a Captain America?! 

   Deadpool still sells an insane amount of comic books and I completely don't understand how. Not that I don't like him, but this oversized 80 damn page novel comes right on the heels of the oversized issue #25. Gerry Duggan should be working harder on Uncanny Avengers rather than churn out 3 times the size of any normal banal and boring adventure Deadpool requires. Either way, if reading a bunch of crap that literally goes NOWHERE (pardon the pun) is your thing - then this is the issue for you. It's sadly not the issue for me however. I give it a 5/10.

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