X-Men Gold #3

Written by Mark Guggenheim

Penciled by Ardian Syaf
Cover by Ardian Syaf
Published May 3, 2017

   After managing to contact the X-Men, Logan remains captive via the Brotherhood and former New Mutant Amara incapacitates him. Back at HQ, Kitty assembles a team including students Rockslide and Armor. They take to the air. Kitty describes to the younger members how this mission will be dangerous. There's gonna be a lot of ground to cover.

Wait.. This is gonna be hard?!

   The Blackbird lands and they split up. Prestige beefs up their psi-shields and it isn't long before team one encounters the new big lizard guy. They engage while team two locates the mayor. Nightcrawler bamfs him to safety but they're hands are full fighting a brainwashed Logan. Kitty asks Rachel the location of Mesmero, who shows himself after dropping her out of the sky. Colossus lays out Lizard Man while Storm blasts Logan with lightning.

Oh... well that was easy.

   The team takes inventory. While it appears Logan got to the majority of Brotherhood before they laid him out, Rachel lays Mesmero out in kind. Problem is that she discovers in his brain that the whole site is rigged with explosives. Kitty orders an immediate extraction. Before she leaves though, she wants to save their former pupil Amara. She finds her, very hurt and psychically unstable. She blasts her with fire but Kitty won't back off without a fight. The plant explodes with Kitty and Amara inside it. 

Looks like Kitty's a badass now.

   As the rubble steams, The X-Men search for survivors and eventually locate the two missing X-Men alive and well. Back at Central Park, SHIELD takes the now captured Brotherhood prisoners into custody. But once the dust settles, Rachel informs Kitty that in reading Mesmero's mind, she discovers he didn't do any of it under his own volition. Turns out it was Lydia Nance.
   They infiltrate her apartment building and question her. She created and paid the mutant to form a terrorist group. She tells them that no one will believe them, taking the word of a mutant's over a human's. Rachel lifts her into the air telepathically. Kitty tells her that while she thinks she's clever, eventually her bigotry will come to light. When it does so... the X-Men will be there waiting. And with that, the story is concluded.

In reality, Lydia was just scared of the terrible art in this comic book.

   This book is still so weak. I honestly feel like it's meant to be read by the lowest form of readers which is so disappointing. Obviously comics are meant for a younger audience but this one seems to stumble even lower. I can't describe it really, but these stories read like something Chris Claremont would be embarrassed by. What has happened to his X-Men? I know the title is just getting started but somebody needs to get out the red pen. Because this ship is going waaaay down. I give it a 4/10. 

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE
(Note: due to my copy of this issue being mangled by the USPS I'm waiting for a replacement issue)

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.

Royals #3

Written by Al Ewing

Penciled by Thony Silas
Cover by Jonboy Meyers
Published May 17, 2017

   5000 years into the future, the last Inhuman speaks the name Maximus aloud. And in the present, Medusa asks why it is he's here. Finally in the past we find out more about the two brothers as their parents discuss their youngest son. They choose his name and discuss the controversy of developing him with his mother's gifts - the ability to rear him with no impurities. They focus the baby's terregenesis on his brain, ensuring his cognitive abilities at genius level at worst. In the future he speaks his own name - connected with his brother Blackbolt in the present. He encounters the skyspear and finally hears Medusa calling him again.

Oh my bad - what were you saying?

   She asks where Blackbolt is and he tells her he's in the prison she intended for her brother-in-law....turning her back on him with her final royal decree. But since she did so, there's no record of where he was banished. And her former subjects will likely not help her. But since he's on board, she asks him how he escaped. He tells her he hid a multitool of sorts under his skin. Including a hacking suite for the cameras and an image inducer. Finally whispering a secret to his brother Blackbolt was all it took. Medusa orders Swain to keep him telepathically locked down and Maximus asks if the simpler solution would be to just kill him.

   

Dudes - So I got this idea...

   Later we find out what that secret was. Maximus sees the future and his destiny is to be king. Several years ago he approached the kree, asking them about alchemy. He and Blackbolt's parents used their inhuman gifts to purify terrigen which is forbidden.. Maximus makes a deal with the Kree which he and his brother fight over. Earlier in his life, his parents explained to him that he and Blackbolt's powers resonate somehow. In the proper circumstances, his voice could unlock Maximus' mind. Blackbolt is a King but as his father fears, his certainty could be their deaths.

Look what you did, dipshit!

   But their death was foretold to Maximus. From the prison cell, he explains to Blackbolt that he was meant to be his brother's keeper. Through his brother's destructive voice, he takes control. He swaps places with him - a flashback showing the moment he realized the power he had over Blackagar. And he did what he must. He now knows he is the last Inhuman. What he does, he does for the good of all. And with that we're left to be continued.

Next stop: Hala!

   For the first time, I honestly feel like these characters are distancing themselves from the X-Men. It's really no surprise that Marvel wanted to expand the Inhumans' blueprint but for the longest time, it felt forced. Finally it's starting to stand on it's own and building a title full of characters I genuinely want to know about. It's tough to keep up sometimes but it's on the right track. I give this one an 8/10.

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.

Deadpool #30

Written by Gerry Duggan
Penciled by Mike Hawthorne
Cover by Mike Hawthorne
Published May 10, 2017

   Scott Adsit puts his resignation letter from SHIELD in the mail, as well as goodbye letters - even one to Deadpool. He walks to the bridge to jump, first throwing his SHIELD badge and then nearly throwing his pistol before seeing a couple others who beat him to the punch. Meanwhile, a missile with a payload of supplies for the International Space Station takes off. Overshooting the target, Deadpool is on board it as well. He tells the crew he is taking their ship to space to gather weapons to finally kill his nemesis Madcap. As he's nearly unkillable, the being who was once merged with Deadpool is gonna take a lot of firepower to bring down. He lands on the moon in search of the Watcher's tomb. Once there he loots various things, even watching some of the mystical being's disaster porn. Looking for a live battle to join, he finds one. He somehow finds a surfboard and launches a sail in the air, propelling himself along with it.

You take your car to work... I'll take my murderboard.

   He lands on a world at war. As he draws his, um, lightsaber - he begins decapitating various combatants. Finally kicking one in the nuts, he calms him down long enough to have a conversation. Over the course of the next painful and space wasting pages, it turns out he's looking for Knowhere. After a long and unnecessary "who's on first" routine, he kills the alien and then has a nervous breakdown. The Nova Corps swings by overhead and takes the fetal positioned Deadpool to Emerald Station - Now commanded by none other than Scott Adsit. He addresses the new Nova recruits including a Skrull who won't wear his helmet. Being accused of Species-ism, he walks away only to discover Deadpool. Adsit tells him he joined the Nova Corps just to get away from him. Deadpool asks him to bring him to the armory, and later asks him about the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. Scott tells him it would be the "Ultimate Nullifier" and Wade immediately asks the computer to print him a copy. Taking it, he teases some card playing Novas who freak out, and tells them he's headed for Knowhere.

Oh.. Don't get up.

   Word quickly spreads around the galaxy that some idiot is armed with the nullifier. Hemdall calls Asgard to notice and Lady Sif commands a viking ship to war. Deadpool nears the giant celestial head known as Knowhere and immediately finds a pimp to sell him weapons. He brings him to a bar where various arms dealers and Thor folk are there awaiting him. Lady Sif demands the weapon and he leaps behind the bar, pulling out a laser. he disintegrates one of the bigger aliens before being disarmed by a viking. Pulling his swords, he chops the arms off the guy. As more and more death ensues, Sif demands he stand down. Instead he shoots the now armless guy sending him to the viking afterlife. He's scarcely welcome though, and they mock him for losing to Deadpool.

Can somebody please give this guy a hand...?

   Back in the land of the living, Sif cuts Deadpools arm off. Taking a few jabs at each other, he mocks her for dating Thunderstrike when a massive brood alien comes crashing in. They both engage the monster, with Wade getting vomited on and later severely intoxicated. As the Asgardians and other aliens keep fighting the brood, it turns out more and more that Deadpool is not ok. They eventually defeat the queen, and as they plan on how to dissect Wade to get the nullifier back, he gets up. Only he's far from ok. A scene from aliens plays out, as a scary looking beast protrudes from Wade's chest, killing random others around him. Sif throws a punch and the little monster vomits in her eyes, blinding her. She staggers outside the bars offering gold to whomever can kill Deadpool. Equipping the parasite with a tiny Deadpool mask, he hacks scores of people apart singing "Time Of My Life" from Dirty Dancing. Or if you're too young - that song from the Sandals commercials. 

And I'd do it all again!

He murders everyone. Eventually the spree draws the attention of Rocket Raccoon, though even he's not up to the challenge. He picks up a beer, even pouring some out for his little homey.

   Wade is ready for the little guy to go, but it crosses it's little bug arms in refusal. Sadly for him this isn't an option, and Deadpool saws the little bastard in half with a chainsaw. It scurries off and Wade expels the rest of it's body like popping a huge zit. Suddenly a well dressed man approaches him. With a hawk on his shoulder, Monark Starstalker introduces himself to "Santa Claus" aka Wade Wilson. He offers to purchase the Nullifier for a buyer but Wade tries to skeef the guys blaster instead. He fires a shot into Deadpool's chest but the Merc with a Mouth gets right back up. Speaking to an unknown individual over comms, he tells him the nullifier is a fake but he might be interested in the subject himself. Monark brings him to the Collector himself, who is interested in Wade's regenerating powers after Monark shoots his hand off and it regrows. After some discussion, the Collector isn't interested in Deadpool. But what he is interested in is Madcap.

It's not art but it'll do.

   The Collector gives Wade a tour of his museum. Using a special mirror, he's able to gather enough info about the psychotic clown and decides he wants it. Deadpool tells him they have a deal, and the Collector gives him a special beacon to activate once he finds him. Asking for any special instructions once he acquires him and he says a steady diet of pickles and the Ghostbusters theme. Wade swipes a white studded glove and gives Monark a going away present - a live grenade. Porting him back to Knowhere, he asks the bartender for something strong. Back where he came from, Monark explodes and the Collector puts him back together - though Santa Claus of Earth has made an enemy for life. 

   Wade sits at the bar drowning his sorrows, still wearing the Michael Jackson glove, when a green skinned lady of the night comes looking for company. She gives him a special elixir which will make him unbeatable, for some reason, but before leaving asks her how much for an hour of her time. Recapping his adventures, he goes over the highs and lows of his space adventure. But before leaving he gives his old buddy Scott Adsit a romp with the lady of his dreams.
   Ok... recapping this comic book is becoming excruciating and there's still like 11 pages left. So blah blah blah blah.. He comes back and the Hydra controlled Captain America is there, recruiting him for what will become Deadpool: Secret Empire. And with that, this ridiculous 80 page comic comes to a well appreciated close.

I made it through 80 pages of this and all I get is a Captain America?! 

   Deadpool still sells an insane amount of comic books and I completely don't understand how. Not that I don't like him, but this oversized 80 damn page novel comes right on the heels of the oversized issue #25. Gerry Duggan should be working harder on Uncanny Avengers rather than churn out 3 times the size of any normal banal and boring adventure Deadpool requires. Either way, if reading a bunch of crap that literally goes NOWHERE (pardon the pun) is your thing - then this is the issue for you. It's sadly not the issue for me however. I give it a 5/10.

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.

Amazing Spider-Man #27

YAY! ANOTHER Alex Ross Cover!

Written by Dan Slott

Penciled by Stuart Immonen
Cover by, of course, Alex Ross
Published May 10, 2017

   In Castle Karnov, Norman Osborne sits in the doctor's chair to change his appearance once again. Only problem is that it wasn't long enough since the previous operation. With no further use for the doctor, he bombs the lab with Goblin Serum, choking out the doctor. Walking to the countess, he reveals his new hideous look though it doesn't seem to have any negative effect in her eyes. They gaze out over Symkaria - now the biggest weapons manufacturing country in Europe.

Like Joe Jackson said "Is she really going out with him?!" 

   Meanwhile in the plane on the way there, Silver Sable explains to Spider-Man what Osborne and the countess have done to her war torn country. Still Spidey can't seem to get over the fact she faked her death so well and she explains how she did it - stealth clothing. She used it to escape from the Rhino. By going off the radar though, she allowed the countess to ascend to power. Back in Hong Kong, Nick Fury interrogates Aunt May and Norman's son Harry and they say they knew nothing. He then radios Mockingbird for the position of Peter Parker's plane, which she provides. But when SHIELD agents storm the landing aircraft, they find nothing. Fury is enraged. Bobbi informs him she's resigning from the organization. 

If Mockingbird is unemployed, hopefully the Wild Pack has a good benefits package...

She stands at the southern border of Symkaria with the Wild Pack awaiting Spider-Man, Sable, and all the tech Parker could fit into the transport plane. Spidey thanks Bobbi for the help - in a weird way while Sable shows off the new Wild Pack and Spider-Man shows off the weaponry.
   Norman and Katarina dine in the castle when the assault begins. Catching him off guard, the Wild Pack loads all of the workers from the now bombed out factory and Spider-Man tells Osborne his new color should be yellow instead of green. (Ooooooh sick burn!) Norman sends out the calvary while the workers at the next factory ask Spidey why they should trust him. Silver Sable addresses them and drums up some Symkarian pride. They follow to safety while Sable and friends prepare to fight to the finish. They take to the air while Spidey delivers a terribly corny Pacino impression.

"It was Barzini all along..."

   Back in the control tower, Osborne has had enough. Katarina addresses the country to seek shelter. Mockingbird and Spider-Man keep fighting and taking out flying goblins but it seems some are surviving the assault at an alarming rate. Spidey pulls the mask off one. It appears that Osborne's soldiers have been exposed to some deforming and toxic checmicals. The issue wraps with a page showing a huge missile. It's time for Norman to launch the super secret weapon and transform the people of Symkaria into an invincible Goblin army... and with that we're left to be continued.

After all these years, Osborne is finally launching that Goblin Army.

   Any issue of Amazing that somehow doesn't mix in the Spider-Verse is a win to me. So far, they've done some awesome things with this crew. Silver Sable and Mockingbird pair well with the webslinger and to fight one of his most legendary villains makes it even sweeter. It's weird to me to see Aunt May so spry and independent when she's been like 90 since the 60's. But either way, Stuart Immonen's pencils do justice to Dan Slott's script. I'm just getting a little tired of these Alex Ross covers. Does he have naked pictures of Bob Iger's wife or something? Might be time to turn the tables a little. Either way, I give it an 8/10.

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.

Avengers #7

Written by Mark Waid

Penciled by Jeremy Whitley
Cover by Alex Ross
Published May 10, 2017

   Outside the Baxter Building, the Avengers battle a brainless gelatinous monster. Hercules and Thor doubleteam it and it explodes. Spider-Man fears that Wasp was engulfed in slime but she turns out ok. Unfortunately the monster seems to be ok too, until a certain doctor shows up to rid it using magic. Victor Von Doom hovers before them. Falcon readies his team to hit him with everything they have until Wasp nerds out and offers him tea instead of a fight.

   Ten minutes later, the team and their former biggest enemy ever discuss Doom's recent superhero conversion. Nadia continues to gush over the evil genius. Spider-Man thinks it's a trap, but without his spider sense tingling, the group lets their guard down and listens. Doom tells them about recent magical phenomena which Vision confirms. He transports the team, minus Vision to the Susan Storm Camp for Girls Leadership - a place where Doom dares not tread. Instead he disguises Nadia with the mission to infiltrate the counselors, whom he fears are secretly the magic culprits. She finds them and begins to have a conversation.
   As they all talk about their future, one of them grabs her and they hold her down over some sort of mystical pattern. It appears they plan to sacrifice her. When asked for her last words, she lets out a loud "Avengers Assemble" and with haste, the team attacks.

 Doom demands they release her and in the process, the girls adopt their true forms. Victor takes Nadia to the sky while the Avengers fight the girls, trying not to hurt them in the process. As Doom and the Wasp try to come up with a plan, she tells him he can use her shrinking gauntlets to shrink the spell with pinpoint accuracy. he does so and sends the demon back to the dimension it came from - but not before grabbing ahold of the ringleader. Nadia saves her and Doom is refreshed by her goodwill.
   The issue wraps back at the Baxter Building. Falcon and Wasp chat about the episode, while looking through the archives. Nadia find's some of Captain Marvel's old gloves when they happen upon an old crypt. As they joke about what it could be, two hands burst through it - and with that we're left to be continued.

   I'm beyond ecstatic that the Mike Del Mundo era is over for this book. What horrible artwork was paired with at least capable storytelling in Mark Waid. While I think he's slowly transitioning from Del Mundo's style, this art is a substantial upgrade with Jeremy Whitley at the helm. Hopefully he's a long term replacement. As for the story, it's ok. I'm a fan of the Infamous Iron Man book as well so this pairs well. Don't know where it's going but I'll at least bite. I give it a 7/10.

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.

Old Man Logan #23

Written by Jeff Lemire

Penciled by Eric Nguyen
Cover by Andrea Sorrentino
Published May 10, 2017

   In the storage unit in Jersey, Asmodeus attempts to sell Logan's body to the highest bidder. Both parties however were unaware they were buying the old version of the mutant. To show them he's still just as powerful, Asmodeus stabs the unconscious Logan in the ribs.

Back in Madripoor where his spirit is, "Patch" feels the pain of the stabs as a kid on a skateboard steals the amulet. He gives chase and is eventually stopped by the Yakuza. They ask if he's the barbarian known as Patch and their head goon Dragonhead orders him killed. They open fire on him and in the present, his body convulses as the customers try to escape. Asmodeus blocks their escape. 

   In the past, one of the henchmen tells the boss he's dead as his claws pop out. He attacks the gang, killing them all and scaring Dragonhead away in the process. Tired of the ruse, he puts the patch back on and goes looking for the thief. It doesn't take long and he spots the kid eating noodles. Telling him the glowing amulet was freaking him out, he give it back to the mutant who immediately ports away again. This time he comes to just as a baseball whizzes past his face.

   Bobby Drake calls strike. As Jubilee protests the call, Scott Summers apologizes. He grabs Iceman telling him there's little time. His body is in a locker in Jersey. He spits out the address and tells him that Asmodeus has him trapped there. Before he can explain, He's pulled through the timeline again.
   With a mouthful of sand, he recognizes it.  He's back in the Wastelands. He makes the trek back to where he lived and thinks that maybe seeing his old home may trigger some ideas on where the hulk baby is. But as he opens the door, he sees Maureen and his two children. Deciding that he's had enough, he aborts the rest of his mission. Smashing the amulet underfoot, he tells himself he's home. And with that, we're left to be concluded.

   Still an excellent book, these origin porting stories make me ready to end this book. If there's any chance that by the X-men finding his body in the past could somehow bring him back to being normal Wolverine in the present, I'll take it. The art is ok, but still not as good as the frameable cover - making you long for the past when Sorrentino used to pencil this entire book. Either way, the story is decent. Just ready to see where it goes. I give it a 7/10.

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.

Uncanny Avengers #23

Written by Gerry Duggan 

Penciled by Pepe Larraz
Cover by Ryan Stegman
Published May 10, 2017

   Rogue opens her eyes and sees Deadpool, asking him what happened. He tells her it was date night and she went to sleep early. She looks up and sees Wonder Man there as well. Trying as she might to figure it out, she's interrupted by Beast who's super stoked to see his bro Simon Williams. Beast thinks he knows what happened. Rogue's power acts like a battery and Deadpool's regeneration acted like a circuit breaker. The conversation meanders into how Deadpool spent all of Wonder Man's money funding the Unity Squad.
   Meanwhile back at Cable's hospital room, Synapse breaks in to see just what's in the future X-Man's head. Problem is she reads nothing while touching his forehead. Touching his bionic arm though is a different story. Suddenly she's running for her life in his dreams. First Sentintals. Then she sees him near scores of headstones of Avengers and X-Men. Problem is that it turns out to be Cable's evil clone Stryfe kneeling near the unconscious X-Man. Synapse hijacks his central nervous system, forcing him to blow his own head off. Later her Inhuman grandfather Shredded Man tells her she betrayed him. He was trying to save their kind but she turned her back on the family. Everything he did, he did it for her. She objects and starts punching him but he transforms into a mutated version of her, telling her she eventually came around to his way of thinking. She destroys the images and Cable awakes.
   Cable erased the AI in his arm to make room for his mind. He didn't want Red Skull to have access to his mind hopping abilities. She asks why he never told her she was part of the 2087 future from the beginning to this title's series and he tells her he never had the chance to train her and that future never came to exist.  Turns out they both had a shadow following them around. Back in the room, he thanks her for the save, explaining that if Charles Xavier was around, she'd have been one of his favorite students. With that, he ports away.
   Back on the streets of the city, Deadpool and Wonder Man meet with a real estate agent in hopes of selling the theater to get some of his money back. The agent tells him he can't help him, as former headquarters of superheroes are usually untouchable. He tells him he could at the very least put on a show to get some money back. As Wonder Man leaves, Captain America pulls up. Deadpool tells him that he and Rogue have been talking about new ways to make the Unity Squad solvent again but Cap tells him Rogue hasn't recently been much of a friend to the cause. Meanwhile Voodoo, Wasp, and Quicksilver reminisce and discuss their next moves while Rogue sits in her room. Staring at a picture of her former team, there's a disturbance in the room over. Prixat appears to tell Voodoo about some problems with his brother in Orleans Parish. Wasp, Quicksliver, and Synapse all sign on. They ask Rogue if she's busy and she tells them they're not going anywhere without her. And with that - this story is concluded.
   This is still my favorite Avengers team. I don't know why but this group of cast offs just gives me what I want in a superhero group. What Captain America plans with Deadpool and what happens to Cable remains to be seen. But as long as this book lives to see another issue, the sky's the limit. It blows the current Avengers book away and it's better than All New All Different Avengers was. So what is to become of it after Secret Empire remains anybody's guess. I'll wait it out to see though. For this one, I give it a solid 9/10.

If you like this review, check out my video of it HERE.

You can also buy my physical copy of this book HERE

Like comics? Check out my ebay wares HERE

Follow me at facebook, twitter, or instagram as well.

Until next time, thanks so much for reading.