The Mighty Thor #700

THE BLOOD OF THE NORNS

Written by Jason Aaron
Penciled by ... a LOT of people.
Cover by Russell Dauterman
Published Oct 18, 2017

   Odinson and Karnilla gaze into a vision showing the unworthy Thor back in his glory. She explains to him that Malekith seeks to destroy the roots of the world tree, when suddenly the alarm sounds. Odinson rushes into battle to defend Nornkeep.

Look, I gotta split. Sounds like somebody is breaking into my car.

   Meanwhile, Thor throws a truck off of herself that was unfortunate placed there by She-Hulk. The two heroes, albeit one being obviously confused, trade blows, when Thor does all she can to calm her down. She throws a fuel tanker as Jane reminisces about her day. She'd simply gone into the hospital to receive treatment when she saw Jennifer Walters freaking out. Now engaged in a pretty good battle, she picks up the hulk and flies the two of them into the sky.

Let's FLY!

   In Asgardia, Volstagg walks in chains as a prisoner of the Thunder Guard when they hear something. From afar, his war hammer crashes through the ceiling and he grabs it. The War Thor lives again. And in what I assume is a pointless waste of comic book, we see young Thor. Then we see into the future and god Thor brokering peace. Then we see Black Galactus tearing up planets before being attacked by Ego - the living planet. They fight and Black Galactus eats his arm, later devouring him. A total of about 10 pages. 

I think Jason Aaron called a bunch of people and said "You wanna pencil me up some crap to help fill up this 50 page chronicle?"

   Meanwhile, Loki walks with his reanimated frost giant father before he collapses. When he awakens, Loki explains that during his nap, he slayed what appears to be hundreds of mountain giants, making his father proud. Back in the skies of Midguard, Shehulk and Thor continue their fight while at the World Tree, Odinson fights just as fierce. Karnilla feels though that it won't be enough. She divides the norns up among her guards and begins cutting the threads of fate. 

Woah, cool knife.

   As Malekith's army storms her kingdom, she kills as many as she can before. But it's not enough. The roots are severed at the tree as Odinson runs to her side. He struggles to get to her as she begins to fade. She tells him she saw all the threads of fate - all of their deaths. Before she dies, she mentions Jane as the death they should all fight to prevent... I think anyway.

Yes, go on. Don't let Jane what? Eat dairy? Drink jagermesiter... WHAT?!

   Back at the airport, Jane and Jenn keep it up when she commands Mjolnir to shoot a bunch of cool lightning out and stuff. Unfortunately she's separated from it during the battle. She commands it back to her as she sees a glmpse of Throg, the Thor frog but she is once again reunited with it and flies above in full Thor regalia.

Thor is getting the hell out of this book.

   In the Dark Elf realm, Malekith is declared king, looking forward to the upcoming war. Hela and Thanos fly around in space longing for more deaths. The issue wraps with War Thor heading to somewhere when he's rammed by Toothgnasher. He falls to Old Asgard when suddenly Toothgnasher storms towards a disturbance. A hand reaches out and rips the goats head off. For there stands Mangog - back on Asgard and ready for judgement - and it starts with Volstagg. With that, this incredibly long and partially unnecessary tale is concluded.

Dang Mangog. You scarrrrry!

   Ok, so maybe I never really planned on being a Thor reviewer, mostly because of the characters, worlds, and other objects I can't really pronounce. But like the god of thunder, I need to have courage and just muscle through it. If you're not a regular reader of this book, this is a good jump in point, as this issue did it's best to catch you up with that's going around all over the Norse galaxy. First of all, Jason Aaron is a fantastic writer. If you read Star Wars, it's tough not to be impressed with what he's done there. The regular artist in this book, Russell Dauterman, is also one to watch. For the jist of this book, it was good... although a bit unneeded. Still, if you plan to commit to this series, it's good to catch up. Overall, I give this issue an 8/10.

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Despicable Deadpool #289

DEADPOOL KILLS CABLE pt III

Written by Gerry Duggan
Penciled by Scott Koblish
Cover by David Lopez
Published Nov 8 2017

   After being shot in the face, Deadpool wakes up on a beach with Rogue, until he wakes up in a volcano with Cable. He comes clean with the time traveler, telling him he made a deal with Stryfe to save 4 people from Madcap. Now he owes him 4 in return.

Way to go, dummy!

   Cable decides to go back in time to when he gave Wade the cure. As soon as he makes the handoff, Cable opens the portal and decks him. Stryfe demands help but Deadpool refuses. Instead he shoots him, though Stryfe reminds him of the mistake he's making, as well as informing he knew he'd betray him. He in turn opens a portal and lets some dinosaurs run through, which keeps them busy. Cable informs him that he's got some neurotoxins to take down the dino's.

Good thing Belle is equipped with dinosaur neurotoxins.. just in case.

   Stryfe planned for that as well, and releases an army of vampires from the future, which turn the dinosaurs, and subsequently Deadpool into vampires as well. As the Pentagon monitors the situation, they decide it's time to just cut their losses, and nuke the entire city. Cable asks for a portal to himself 30 minutes prior and screams to his very near past self that the plan is a trap. Future Cable is burned to a nuclear mess as his skull tumbles through it.

Well you don't see your own skull everyday...

   Back at the drawing board, Cable tells Belle to open another portal to fix their screw up. If it's his heart Stryfe wants, they might have to deliver. How they intend to do that though will have to wait, as this issue is left to be continued.
   Fantastic issue. Once again, Gerry Duggan proves he can do more with just a few characters that most ensemble groups can do as a team. One of the things I used to not be able to stand with this book was that it was heavy on quips, and light on substance. That's anything but the case now.It's well written, and about as campy as it needs to be. I give this one a 10/10.

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X-Men Gold #15

MOJO WORLDWIDE pt V

Written by Marc Guggenheim
Penciled by Diego Bernard
Cover by Dan Mora
Published Nov 8, 2017

   As the X-Men walk into Mojoworld, they discover that he's actually turning New York into his own nightmare dimension. Luckily there's other X-teammates as well as Avengers on the case, while they prepare to do battle with Spiral and thousands of Mojo clones. While they fight, he drops one more tidbit: the simulations are over. If they die now, they're really dead.

Oh, I forgot to tell you guys...

   Back on real earth, fake Apocalypse knocks Danger to the ground while Magneto hurls millions of metalic spears at the fake villain. Danger repairs herself while the Shi'ar Imperial Guard floats down demanding they surrender. Meanwhile, the X-Men need a plan. Kitty phases through the ground to investigate, leaving Jean Gray in charge. Longshot makes cracks while Iceman, Storm, Bloodstorm and Colossus throw the bad guys around. Logan and Jimmy bond over a Spiral double-team when Rachel throws the two of them like missiles. Finally Kitty returns, with news she's found Mojo's control room. They gather themselves and prepare to raid it.

I know I was gone like a second, but I found Mojo's compound.. really easily.

   On Earth, Magneto, Danger, and Polaris continue fighting when Krakoa amazingly appears. Danger reveals to them that the creature is metallic, and so the magnetic powered father and daughter combo to throw the beast through a wall, revealing an opening.
   The issue wraps with the X-Men finding a massive wall with no door. They decide to make their own passageway, and combine their forces to power through it. What they find is a series of screens. When they ask what it's for, the see that it is literally playing back every single epic battle they've ever found themselves in. They blast through a final wall and stand face to face with Mojo himself, along with an army of baddies. What will happen? We'll have to wait for X-Men Blue #15 as this issue is concluded.

Oh hey Mojo. Why didn't you tell us it was a party?!

   I read a few reviews of this book and they all kind of agreed on one thing. It's a mess. While I love having Longshot around, he seems to be acting way out of his typical self. Not to mention, there's some odd continuity going on. Rachel throws Logan and Jimmy for another tired, predictable mention of a fastball special,,, yawn.. but doesn't show them hitting anything. Plus he looks like he threw Apocalypse and the Imperial Guard in for no reason but to just put them in there, as well as Spiral - one of the coolest characters ever, with one line. "Kill them all!" It would seem that there's a lot of potential to do more with this situation, but they're just kind of glancing over things. It's a little disappointing. I give this one a 5/10.

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Justice League #32

BATS OUT OF HELL pt II

Written by Robert Venditti
Penciled by Liam Sharp
Cover by Ethan Van Sciver
Published Nov 1 2017

   Before Cyborg was transformed, he was a stellar football standout being pursued by several colleges. But it was more than his ability that made him great. It was his team. Today, his new team (minus Superman and Batman) find themselves spread across the globe, now being pursued by several dark matter versions of Batman himself.

Oh well... isn't that terrifying? 

   Beneath Central City, Flash runs from the Red Death across sand, before it slowly dissipates and reveals a huge Flash-Mobile. All the while being begged by Bruce inside it’s head to stop, he hails the entire motorcade to assist in his madness. Meanwhile below Amnesty Bay, Aquaman calls out the Drowned, a macabre version of Bruce before being approached by a hulking underwater beast. Riding on his back appears a weird Bat-Mera, enraged and commanding the monster to attack.

It's Mera, so it's kind of hot. But it's also Batman... I'm so confused.

    Beneath ARGUS HQ, Wonder Woman squares off with the Merciless, and though armed with weapons taken from the gods he’s killed, is goaded by her into a fistfight. Revealing that some of his moves were actually taught to him by the princess, he pulls out a massive sledgehammer and walks to a gong-like coin melted down from the coins of dead Amazons seeking afterlife passage. He rings it and their souls appear, seeking revenge and headed towards Wonder Woman.

Justice League by Robert Kirkman.

   And underneath Corst City, Hal Jordan speaks his Lantern Oath but it’s rendered useless by the Dawnbreaker - yet another Batman, but this one in possession of a Lantern ring. The issue wraps with Cyborg revealing that they have one secret weapon - him. He writhes in apparant pain being connected by scores of cables and wires in the Batman Who Laughs dark realm. What that secret weapon is will have to wait though, as this issue is left to be continued.

Bet that smarts.

   Though I was aware that Bryan Hitch was leaving this book, I was not aware he wouldn’t be writing the Metal tie-ins. Robert Venditti did the best he could I suppose, given the fact DC just sweeps over massive plot points with no build up. There’s a few issues and one shots that are coming out that piece this arc together, but it’s frustrating that they didn’t have at least one issue in this series that didn’t transition it before just putting them all in this situation. The Justice Kids took off in issue #31, and suddenly the entire team is in trouble and Batman and Superman are missing. Kinda lame. I give this one a 6/10.

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Old Man Logan #30

DAYS OF ANGER pt VI

Written by Ed Brisson
Penciled by Mike Deodato Jr.
Cover by Mike Deodato Jr
Published Nov 1, 2017

   The book opens with a flashback. The Maestro explains to his followers that through pilfering it from Dr. Doom, he’s come into the possession of a portal to different dimensions. He reassures the youngest of them, Malakai, and tells him that he deserves better as they walk through the door.

What you doing with that thing?

   Fast forward to today, and Malakai holds a warhead and is threatening to open it. As the Maestro orders him to do so, Hawkeye, Logan, and Cambria try and persuade him not to. Hawkeye tells them to close their eyes and fires a stun arrow, although it’s effects aren’t long enough to do anything. Logan tries to get to the warhead but the otherworldly-Banner beats him to it. He looks down at the child and tells him he should have left them all back in the Wastelands.

OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

   Meanwhile Hawkeye fires hundreds of arrows at the Hulk but Logan is still out of it. Hulk picks up the truck and it’s enough to trigger Logan’s memory of him shooting Old Man Hawkeye. He moves to attack and is kicked practically over the horizon. Cambria tries to collect the children but is smashed in the back by the Maestro. It’s all her fault. She fights back and after he cuts down all of the other hulks, picks up a boulder. But before he can throw it, the children attack from behind. They fight until Logan gets back and tells the rest of them to take off.

Look, I know you've seen worse stuff than this today but... beat it!

   They trade blow after blow and insult after insult. Finally Logan loses it old school style and the Maestro knows the odds are stacked against him, and escapes. He jumps away pretty much like all Hulks do, and takes refuge in a cave. The issue wraps with the others finding a badly beaten Logan. Cambria tells them that she needs to teach them all to begin relying on themselves, much to the chagrin of Hawkeye’s invitations. As the two heroes walk down the highway, Hawkeye thinks it might all be payback for killing their timeline’s Banner. Logan tells him you gotta learn to forgive yourself. Good people sometimes make mistakes... With that, this issue and this story arc is concluded.

I didn't think X-Men had to walk anywhere.

   So the very next issue of this book finally delivers the Legacy treatment to the man once known as Wolverine. After seeing that the original Logan has cut himself out of the adamantium and is alive in our world, what does the future hold for this older version? With X-23, Jimmy Hudson, Old Man Logan and now the return of the regular one, what will happen? Will we see a return to original numbering - which if you take all the other books plus the 30 in this one, should put it at about 372.  Could certainly make it interesting... For this one, I give it a 9/10.

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Guardians of the Galaxy #146

THE EVIL HAS LANDED

Written by Gerry Duggan
Penciled by Marcus To
Cover by Aaron Kuder
Published Nov 1 2017

   From atop a throne made of Nova helmets, Talonar briefs the 13 talons. The NEW Nova Corps are mining an asteroid, also being used as their home base. Known as the "Spirit of Xandar" in honor of their former planet, most others refer to it as the Rock. They're dependent on member planets for everything. They're weak and suffering from low morale. As the Raptors prepare to make a move on them, former SHIELD accountant and Deadpool handler Scott Adsit, addresses his new recruits amidst a chorus of boos. With that, he introduces the newest corpsmen, the Guardians of the Galaxy.

We're saved. Just look at these cool cats.

   Later, they're all split up. Groot is with Drax, Ant-Man is with Gamora, Rocket (who appears to have taken quite a shine to his new Nova role) interviews a fellow Corpsman and Star Lord reads his notes - amazed to see Rich Rider, the original Nova, is actually still alive.
   Rocket later finds some drunken Corpsmen enjoying impounded wine, proving his new power has gone to his head, while Gamora and Antman respond to a distress call. By the looks of it, Ultron has assimilated most of the dead, and the survivors are locked in the engineering bulkhead. After they board, an Ultron cyborg approaches and the 2 guardians send the others to defend the ship. It obviously recognizes Antman, and as it reboots, Gamora gives it a merciful death.

Sometimes you just need a woman to do the tough stuff.

   The issue wraps as they finally make it to the compartment where the trapped passengers are. They free them and as they all run from the horde of Ultron clones, they discover their ship has left without them. What will they do to survive? We'll have to wait as this issue is left to be continued.
   While admittedly, my Novo knowledge might be a little lacking, there's one thing I'm fairly versed on and it's the history of Ultron/Hank Pym/and Ant Man. Gerry Duggan does the characters justice, after briefly introducing them in Uncanny Avengers. Hopefully it's not just a cameo, because the Scott Lang tenure of Ant-Man and the legend of Hank Pym deserve a showdown. Could that happen in Guardians of the Galaxy? One can only hope. I give this issue a 9/10.

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Astonishing X-Men #5

LIFE OF X pt V

Written by Charles Soule
Penciled by Ramon Rosanas
Cover by Ramon Rosanas
Published Nov 1 2017

   On the Astral Plane, Professor Charles Xavier explains to Rogue why Gambit couldn't be saved. At the moment, he's playing an illusion filled chess game against the Shadow King. Gambit is with Logan, with mind locked inside the plane and body loose in the real world.
   In London, he charges the floor and as the police fire at him, he leaps away and it explodes. He swings aboard a nearby helicopter as Psylocke transports the SWAT team and incapacitated X-Men safely to another rooftop. Gambit however gets away on the hijacked chopper.

Yeeee! Gotcha!

   Meanwhile, Charles continues telling them what happened to him. After Cyclops killed him, Farouk collected his spirit. For some unexplained reasons there's a side conversation going on between Fantomex and Xavier as well, which was a little confusing. Either way... Charles played against the Shadow King, learning more and more about him. With his X-Men, he can eventually defeat him, but he's running out of time. As he degrades, he's going to need his former students to become like knights and fight on his behalf.

Look. I know this looks bad...

   Back in London, Angel and Bishop trail Logan while Gambit approaches from behind and turns him into a Shadow King controlled zombie. Logan emerges from a nearby building with more subjects in tow and Warren reports back to Betsy on what he's seeing.. This possession spreads from person to person by touch.

Somewhere Robert Kirkman is saying "HEY! ZOMBIES ARE MY IDEA!"

   In a nearby command center, British officers observe the crisis, discussing and eventually approving what appears to be destroying everything. Back above London, Psylocke explains to Warren that he needs to let out his inner Archangel. He's hesitant but with her help, she convinces him they can keep everything at bay. He agrees, rips his skin off and the metal wings of death and blue appearance emerge. With that, we're left to be continued.

Time to make myself look cool again!

   I'm not sure, but I think this might be the best X title in publication right now. While it's weird to have a different artist every single issue, Charles Soule is definitely giving us a story that's at the moment better than the over-published Gold and Blue books combined. It also makes me realize how much I miss old Professor X. At this point, he's been dead for over 5 years. Maybe it's time for his return? Anyway, for this issue, I give it a 10/10.

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The Walking Dead #173

FINAL FIGHT

Written by Robert Kirkman
Penciled by Charlie Adlard
Cover by Charlie Adlard
Published Nov 1 2017

   Beta approaches Jesus and Aaron with blades drawn, but Jesus ducks just in time. He gets his gun up but Beta knocks it away, discharging it and waking Aaron in the process. Beta swipes the knife and cuts his arm. While they fight, Aaron takes out the walkers that have been drawn by the sound. Finally Beta gets Jesus down and is just about to stab him when Aaron fires. He takes out Beta while Jesus returns fire to save him from walkers. They recognize the mask wearing attacker as a former basketball player. He leaps up and tells them he has no name, and just as quick, falls dead.

...And.. Scene.

   Meanwhile Maggie stares at the Negan map, not even hearing Dante behind her. And at Hilltop, Carl enjoys his lunchbreak with Lydia, stirring her jealousy when he helps Sophia. Elsewhere Michonne's group continues their trek towards Ohio, but growing more weary in the process. 

She may actually just be tired of Robert Kirkman changing subject groups every page.

   Jesus and Aaron spot a campfire and draw closer to the group of Whisperers. A father seems to be having trouble getting his children to wear the signature flesh masks when they're infiltrated. Jesus takes them all out and introduces himself and Aaron to the family. They give them an invitation into their group.

Just wear the skin mask, Josh. It's cool.

   Back home, Rick again tearfully tells Andrea's grave goodnight. From afar, Dwight and Laura watch, eventually getting into an argument over how Dwight seems to still be hung up on his dead wife. The issue wraps with Michonne's group arriving at the Rendez-Vous point that Eugene set up with Stephanie. The only problem is that nobody is there. That is, until the unnamed group demans they put their weapons down and their hands in the air. What will happen next? We'll have to wait as this issue is left to be continued.

Not good.

   Without as much adspace as many other comic publishers, Image books need a few other pages of content. That's cool until Robert Kirkman realizes he needs to address his 500 individual timelines that are occurring simultaneously throughout this title. But unlike say, Justice League, he doesn't get as wordy as he could. As a guy who reads lots of titles each month, I appreciate that. My only complaint was that the Whisperers, which had such an impact in this title previously, seemed to go down with a whimper... pardon the pun. Either way, it was a good read. I give it a 7/10.

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