X-Men Gold #33-35

GODWAR pts I-III

Written by Marc Guggenheim
Penciled by Michelle Landini and Simone Buonfantino
Covers by Phil Noto
Published Aug 1, Aug 22, and Sept 5, 2018

   In Kenya, Storm's adopted mother Ainet is executed for her continued belief that the mutant is a godess. A month later, the news reaches her via the Wakandan consulate, also accompanied by the revelation of a strange new death cult.

More bad news. Death cult...

   She packs her things and tells her teammates she must face the threat alone. When she arrives, a guide explains the "death cult" rumor as something misunderstood about Uovu, their apparent new deity. Later on, she's introduced to this scary looking maniac, who quickly disarms the windrider by presenting to her her long dead birth parents.

I know you don't like me... BUT LOOK AT THIS!

   Storm is overjoyed by their reunion. But as they walk around her old village, it becomes clear to her that something isn't right. She investigates and overhears Oovu discussing how he'll make her his servant. When she looks up, she sees scores of dead villagers in catacombs. She attacks, but is overwhelmed by zombie villagers who slowly swarm towards her.

Get back, get back, y'all don't know me like that.

   Oovu tells the goddess that there’s nothing she can do to stop it. Meanwhile on the other side of the planet, the X-Men battle the Executioner. While the battle rages, Kitty sees Storm’s Asgardian hammer Stormcaster whipping across the sky. It opens a portal and Storm’s teammates can see she’s in trouble. Following the hammer, they step through into Africa and work together to evacuate the endangered tribespeople.

One minute, you're fighting another one of Marc Guggenheim's shitty villains; And the next you're stepping through a portal to fight another one.

   Storm realizes that the further the pretender is from his power source - the now dead tribesmen, he loses his strength. They engage in one final battle as Ororo finally feels Stormcaster beginning to wane. With the fight over, the hammer dissipates into sand. Obviously this means that the once dead villagers will soon return to dust. She’s able to spend a few last moments, first with her birth parents and later with Ainet, who heap praise on the daughter they’re so proud of. With that, this story arc drifts to an end - and the X-Men Gold era prepares for it’s final penultimate issue.

"But Kitty, why in the middle of the issue were we suddenly drawn completely different?"

   I like how two of these books were drawn by the same person but for some reason #35 not only had one guest penciler - but two guest pencilers. Just to get it done - I guess. It’s kind of the way I feel about the majority of this series. I got to hand it to Marc Guggenheim, who managed to write 35 mediocre issues but it’s pretty clear Marvel never gave him much of a creative team. From it’s maligned first issue all the way to this one, it’s just been one gaffe after another. This arc is sadly no real exception. I give these three a 6/10.

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Champions #22-23

GIVE AND TAKE pts I-II

Written by Jim Zub
Penciled by Kevin Libranda
Covers by RB Silva and Stefano Caselli
Published July 11 and Aug 8, 2018
   With the new look Champions now equipped with a slimmer Hulk named Brawn and a snazzier suited Ironheart, they're also forced to deal with a depowered Nova. Not to mention, Viv Vision introduces Snowguard to her father and Dr Ho, but the synthezoid fails to divulge his real secret to her... He's dying. And this time, he's ready to begin the very human transition into a very real, human death.

If I was Vision, I would never want to die. I'm just sayin'...

   But even that won't stop the Champions from trying to save the earth. While the team heads for Africa to build a solar-powered water filter, Sam and Ms Marvel share a tender moment. Little do they know though that their conversation is being recorded by a stealth Ultron droid.

How convenient.

   They land in Tanzania, and while the group enjoys a local meal, Viv and Amka talk about her lack of emotions. They're interrupted by a smell that Snowguard picks up. It turns out to be the Man-Thing, an emotion sucking swamp monster that engulfs Viv and puts her through a psychological ringer. It seemingly kills the Champion as the rest of her teammates come running.

Something on your mind, Viv?

   They leap into battle and with all of their powers united, are able to capture the monster while tending to their injured friend. Later observing her in a virus scanning mode, they let the booting system run it's course as Viv deals with a myriad of buried emotions.

Sleepmode.

   Meanwhile, Amadeus and Riri intently watch the Man-Thing. As Viv cries out unconsciously, the creature springs to life while she deals with memories of her family. The monster is able to free itself and runs behind Vivian.
   What happens next isn't very clear, but a portal opens up and the Champions try to hold their teammates from slipping inside of it. The pull increases dramatically and as the dust clears, Sam and the Wasp are nowhere to be found. With that, this stunning turn of events unfortunately leaves us left to be continued...

So wait, what happened?!

    You know, the one thing superhero comic publishers always love is teenage superheroes. Marvel likes them so much, they brought the X-Men from the 60's all the way to the present. They like teenage Spider-Man so much, they created Miles Morales. And they like this group of them so much, they put them all in the Champions. Jim Zub continues to do some awesome work and the art is super crisp and promising to boot. I give these 2 an 8/10.

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Daredevil #606-607

Written by Charles Soule

Penciled by Phil Noto
Covers by Phil Noto
Published Aug 8 and Aug 22, 2018

   Daredevil enlists the help of former NYPD detective Frank McGee to help take down Mayor Fisk. The Inhuman agrees, and later they meet at a closed library to discuss their plan. Joining them in their task will be the mutant Cypher as well as Frank's fellow Inhuman, Reader.

Who?

   With the power to make anything he reads a reality, Reader's skills will be helpful. They discuss things with a plan to meet up later. Meanwhile, Daredevil takes to the sky and overhears a police report about a nearby riot.

Weeeee!

   At the Bar With No Name, which is essentially a criminal bar, a familiar and brazen gentleman orders a drink and pretty much starts hitting on one of the betrothed patrons. Mike Murdock, Matt's twin brother gets himself into a bit of a pickle. But as the fight breaks out and Daredevil draws near, he's informed there's some guy inside basically starting a bunch of bullshit. He walks in and is introduced to his twin.

A CENTER FOR ANTS?!

   So who is this guy? It's explained that Matt created an alter-ego like a million years ago when the heat started getting close on revealing his secret identity. But to now be looking right at him? Well something's obviously not right. Daredevil lays the guy out and brings him back to the abandoned library. There Reader informs them all that he accidentally created the fake Mike Murdock when reading one of Matt's casefiles.

I do weird stuff when I'm drunk too - turning things into reality would be bad news.

   Mike wakes up and after playing possum during the explanation, he dognaps Forey, Reader's dog. He uses the hostage to walk away from the secret hideout and thanks to a nearby crowd, escapes. The issue wraps with the fake Mike Murdock heading to Foggy Nelson's office. waiting in his office, the fake Matt/Mike clone surprises Foggy with a pistol. What's gonna happen next? We'll have to wait to find out as this issue is left to be continued.

Foggy should just say "Wait - you're Matt's twin brother? I'm Foggy's twin brother 'Loggy'..."

   I was a big reader of some Inhuman books awhile back so I'm somewhat familiar with a handful of these characters. But one I'm not familiar with is Mike Murdock. Once again, Charles Soule relies on some obscure pieces of Daredevil's history. So obscure, that it's basically the exact opposite of the recent X-Men books vomiting up "Fastball Specials" and essentially regurgitating some of the most known storylines of all time. Soule works harder and it shows. So much so - I'm not even mad. Mike Murdock? Purple Man? Karen Page? Keep bringing em on, Charles. I can't get enough. I give these two books a 9/10.

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Tony Stark: Iron Man #3

SELF MADE MAN pt III

Written by Dan Slott
Penciled by Valerio Schiti
Cover by Alexander Lozano
Published August 15, 2018

   As the Stark Industries’ new Project eScape platform launches, the team welcomes thouands of beta testers to take part. The day before though, Jacosta is met by her cybernetic boyfriend Aaron Stack, and the Machine Man himself takes umbrage to the team appropriating robo-culture.

So robots are just as depraved as humans? Got it.

   Meanwhile in the virtual world, players get to zoom around as Iron Man trying to find the hidden humans inside the interface. Eventually though, the realm is breached by a familiar intruder. Machine Man starts zapping the testers, ending their foray in the game prematurely.

HELLO!!!

   The night before, which followed his outburst against Jacosta, Stack finds himself in a robot bar. He’s approached by a mystery robot, who gifts him his own mask as a key into the interface. He jumps at the opportunity and as the mystery robot walks away, it’s revealed to be Bethany, Tony Stark’s traitorous undercover head of security.

Your girl sure gets around.

   With the attempt to frame him, Stack fires at will all across the virtual landscape. Targeting humans and NPC’s alike, his goal is to bring the system down. He soon finds himself opposed though by Tony, dressed as Dr Strange, and scores of magicians. With the destruction imminent, the player finds herself as the last human player. She decides to blast herself which effectively shuts the game down.

She committed cyber-cide.

   The issue wraps with the victorious player being revealed as Jacosta Pym. Later on, the couple fights at their apartment over her fraternizing with humans. She leaves the Machine Man and heads back up to the office, informing her boss she intends to live there from now on. Once alone, she puts the eScape mask on and enjoys living life in the virtual world as an actual human. With that, this issue comes to an abrupt close.

What a waste of gametime.

   So really at this point, it's pretty obvious that Dan Slott is starting slow but building something incredible with these characters, and that's absolutely cool with me. Given his track record, I"m more than happy to give him as much time as he needs. In the meantime, the series is already excellent. With the small things he's doing to add depth to the characters, you can tell this is going to be another one of his very bests. I give this one a 10/10.

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Deadpool #3

Written by Scottie Young

Penciled by Nic Klein
Cover by Nic Klein
Published Aug 1, 2018

   High above the city, Deadpool laments that his fancy spacegun apparently doesn’t work - right before the planet threatening giant vomits all over him. As he pulls himself to his very injured feet, he’s met by Teenage Negasonic Warhead, who blows the monster’s defenders away and allows the Merc with a Mouth to pick up one of their severed arms.

What a new and refreshing reference. It's too bad that nearly every single X-writer thinks they're on the cutting edge with a "Fastball Special" remark.

   Colossus throws a fastball special at Griffon - which I have to say, has really... really been overblown lately. Does Chris Claremont know you guys are doing this? Will it take an email from him to get you to stop - because any Marvel writer who is putting this in their books without knowing every single other X-book writer is doing it... well maybe you guys just aren’t paying attention.

Here comes guts.

   Either way, DP blows the guy up and the Avengers end up thanking him - kinda. Over the next undetermined amount of time, several naredowells seek Deadpool’s services. The only problem is that he isn’t there. Instead, he’s in space paying an interstellar gangster off for sending the troubled threat to Earth to essentially make him look good. In return, the goon opens a portal and sends him falling back into his office. With his designer underwear back in place, he walks out with guns drawn - ready to take on the next customer. What’s going to happen next? We’re left to find out as this story arc comes to an uneventful conclusion.

meh.

   So really at this point, I’m sure Skottie and Nic are coming into the doldrums of what is sure to strike anyone in charge of this series. Deadpool has this attitude that on the surface, probably makes the writer think they’re getting a sure fire, easy to write machine. Sadly though, it’s anything but. When I first read Duggan’s Deadpool, I wasn’t very impressed. It took tons of arcs to win me over before I finally understood what he was doing. Clearly this edition seeks to marry in the movie franchise, which is probably even more limiting than anything the series’ previous writers had to deal with. I don’t know - maybe not. Either way, I’m still sticking around to see where they take things. I give this one a 7/10.

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Thor #4

WAR IS HEL

Written by Jason Aaron
Penciled by Mike Del Mundo
Cover by Mike Del Mundo
Published Aug 15, 2018

   Thanos walks up to presumably break up the Balder/Hela wedding as Sindr sends scores of flaming demons into the fight. Meanwhile Loki throws Thor his hammer in Valhalla. He's talked the Valkyries into joining his war and they return to Hel to fight with him.

Hey ladies... GET FUN-KY!

   The problem for Hela is that Thanos has come to break up with his girlfriend which obviously makes her sad.. or mad.. or both. I guess. Thor and the Valkyries kill en masse. Balder is reunited with Lady Brunhilde as Thor picks up Hela's crown. Donning it, he turns into this super Hell Thor and starts wrecking shop.

Del Mundo goes METAL!

   Sindr knows she's beaten. She calls Malekith to transport her away as Karnilla uses the distraction to grab a wedding ring. She quickly marries Hela to spare her love Balder, and orders Loki to whisk him back to Midguard.

Back to the land of the living.

   The issue ends with Thor, Loki, Balder and Lady Brunhilde alive and back on Thor's boat. Balder looks forward to seeing his mother again as Loki transports away... But not before grabbing a souvenir. While Thor scours the ship for whatever weapon his brother took, it appears he's merely stolen the painting of his adopted mother, Lady Freya. With that, this issue and this stroy arc finally come to a conclusion.

Oh here we go again...

   So I've spent a long time in my comic reviewing career bashing Mike Del Mundo and just for the record, I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. Still, his abstract blobs seem to work better with this book, with all it's dripping flames and mist, ice, lava, etc than with anything I've looked at from him in recent memory. His style works extraordinarily well when there's no backgrounds needed. As long as Jason Aaron keeps the writing stellar, and keeps Thor in more abstract realms - this creative team might have some pretty solid homeruns. I give this one a 9/10.

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X-Men Gold #31-32

PRESTIGE DARK pts I-II

Written by Marc Guggenheim
Penciled by Pere Perz
Covers by Phil Noto
Published July 4 and July 18, 2018

   Following Kitty and Peter's failed wedding, Rachel awakens to see Mesmero standing over Nightcrawler in their hotel room. She's then transported to a dismal future, where a rogue group of X-Men struggle to free themselves from a Sentinel prison. Using Forge's engineering, they make a break for it but many are subsequently killed in the process.

Damn! That's brutal!

   After their narrow escape, a bounty hunter rakes them with bullets when the older and desperate future heroes see his tool is none other than the hound, Rachel Summers. She summarily kills them when she's brought out of her trance by Iceman and Pyro.

Get it together, dummy!

   Meanwhile Storm and Illyana eat brunch outside the hotel patio when they too are caught off guard - this time by a Mark-1 Sentinel. Storm grabs her super convenient Thor hammer and is immediately taken down.

Bullseye!

   Pyro, Iceman and Nightcrawler limp through the front entrance. They try to calm Rachel down when their joined by Cyclops, who launches into a monologue about himself too being from a different timeline. Although real or imagined, Mesmero urges her not to believe them. But in the end, she knows she can control her hallucinations. With that, and even though she'a apparently knocked out several other X-Men, this story arc comes to an end.

Everything's ok now. Wait - Those guys might be dead...

   So with just a few issues left of this series, Marc Guggenheim looks to either be just wasting time or setting these characters up for something the future. The problem with it all is that there's really no way of knowing. Now a staggering 30 plus issues old, this series proves that not only does it fail to stand on it's own feet, it has to import other X-Men from Red, Blue, and Astonishing to push through. But as I mentioned, the good thing is that it's ending. I don't think there's really that many people left to defend it anyway. I give these two a 6/10.

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