Batman #33

THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT pt I

Written by Tom King
Penciled by Joelle Jones
Cover by Jordie Bellaire
Published Oct 18, 2017

   Batman and Catwoman travel through the dessert. As they lose a horse, they continue the trek on just one. Meanwhile at Wayne Manor, Damien, Dick Grayson, Duke Thomas and Jason Todd all hang out, I guess waiting for Bruce. I don't know.

There's apparently no crime in Gotham when Bruce isn't around.

   Either way, Bat and Cat arrive at their destination. They have business in Khadym though the Tiger King tells them they have no business there. That business apparently has the Robin's rattled, as Alfred shines some light on where exactly their boss is. And that isn't all he has to say. Batman and Catwoman are engaged - news they're obviously a little less enthusiastic about.  

   Back in Kandahar, the Tiger King tries to reason with the Guard in the Dessert but to no avail. Catwoman is a different story, and she steps up to challenge him. At the mansion, Alfred tries to sugarcoat it as best he can when he receives a phone call. Superman is on the phone. There's been an unauthorized incursion into Khadym he and wants to know why Batman isn't answering. Alfred covers for him but the Justice League is in route.
   Speaking of, Catwoman has soundly defeated the guard and they walk in. 

That's what you get for hitting a woman.

Tiger explains that everyone is going to be waiting for them when they emerge but Batman isn't concerned. Back home, the Robins trade blame when Damian explains he knows it's his fault. There's only one reason his father would go to Khadym before he marry's Catwoman. Because hiding there is his mother.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

   The issue wraps with Talia Al Ghul rising from her love den and being told of Batman's arrival. She tells the messenger to prepare her swords, and with that, we're left to be continued.
   It's been awhile since we've seen the Robin gang in the pages of this book. Hopefully with good reason. The War of Jokes and Riddles drug on for what seemed like forever. Now as I assume Batman seeks some kind of mystic annulment from what appears to be a pretty big badass, will this be a story arc that is quickly completed? Will the Justice League have to intervene to help? Will Batman get in trouble for taking things into his own hands? We'll have to wait and see. As for this part one, it was pretty good. I give it a 9/10.

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Incredible Hulk #709

RETURN TO PLANET HULK pt. I

Written by Greg Pak
Penciled by Greg Land
Cover by Greg Land
Published Oct 18, 2017

   Amadeus Cho floats through space in exile when he receives a distress signal. The people of Sakaar, once thought destroyed, have found his signals and have requested his assistance. He sets course and flies through the wormhole - breaching his ship’s hull in the process. When he lands, he tries to put everything together but is immediately hit with a dart. Injected with some type of nanobots allowing him to communicate, it’s clear they’ve confused him with one of Banner’s past exploits. Headman Bahang reveals to him though that he must be their champion.

No pressure.. Just if you lose, we're all going to die. That's all.

   For generations now, the Warlord has trapped them. Inspired by Hulk’s defeating the Red King of Imperia... a long, long time ago... their victory eventually ushered in just more tyrants. Now they fight against him but they just can't seem to get ahead. A messenger drives by to taunt them, asking if they've found a champion. The winner gets his clan freedom, food and fuel. The loser dooms them. Hulk is in.

So what's it gonna be, green jeans?

   An hour later, the people smith plates and armor for him to wear, with each having a tale of a savior that's failed them. Later on Maeera praises him in a ceremony, with it just shoring up how much the victory is necessary. More servants bring him his "last meal" but seeing the starving and broken people, Hulk donates it to the lesser folk of the tribe. At the same time in the Warlord's tower, several warriors battle it out to see who will be the champion, but it's clear that they're all crushed and demoralized.

Fine, I guess I'll do it.

   Finally at sunset, The Hulk walks out ready to battle. The gongs ring and the primal MC comes out and praises the Warlord. Three souls stand before them and are beheaded, consecrating the fighting grounds with their blood. Amadeus is shocked, but the match is underway. They come at him hot, but he's able to counter and begins to get the upperhand when he turns to see the spectators being attacked. He starts to let the rage go, reflecting on the ever-present dream of the Hulk climbing out of the trunk.

If you weren't sick of this for the past 2 years, I have some bad news for you.

   The issue wraps with Amadeus letting the Hulk take charge, seeing red. He battles back fiercely, with the people of Sakaar once again renewed with hope. With that, this issue is left to be continued.

Hulk, opening a can of whoop ass.

   Greg Pak's lineage of Amadeus Cho has never felt like it was getting the true distinction of being the real Hulk.. But the fact that he's finally being acknowledged with the legacy numbering just goes to show, this Hulk is for real. Planet Hulk was one of the coolest storylines he was personally a part of. It's awesome to see it again and with nobody else who should be touching it except the man who brought it to us a decade ago himself, I'm excited. I give this one a 9/10.   

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Venom #156

LETHAL PROTECTOR pt II

Written by Mike Costa
Penciled by Mark Bagley
Cover by Mark Bagley
Published Oct 18 2017

   Once a human named Julia Fontana, the now pinkish dinosaur girl stalks the sewers looking for a meal. It's not long before the hunter becomes the hunted though, as Kraven lurks in the shadows. Meanwhile, Eddie and the symbiote enjoy a meal while an uber-hipster gets clapped back for not minding his own business. Obviously talking to yourself in New York isn't all that uncommon.

Indie-Rocker man is about to get GOT!

   The two walk home and see splotches of green blood at the doorstep. There crouches Taya, one of the now-wounded dinosaur people from the sewers. Eddie asks her what happened. As they talk, the hunter has his manservant prepare his rifles for hunting. He's heading out tonight.  Back at the apartment, Eddie asks Taya to show him what tunnel she was attacked in. Together they venture out and she shows him, although she's not able to provide much more information. Suddenly one of her guardian dinosaurs emerges, telling her they've been worried and apologizing to the savior Venom for bothering him. Without warning, it's speared through the head.

"VENOM! Oh thank heavens. We were worried sick about... Nevermind. I'M DEAD!"

   Taya screams as Venom leaps into action. He jumps onto the Hunter asking why he killed, as Kraven brings a knife down into the alien's skin. Running away, he leaps over a trashpile and without thinking, Venom gives chase and is snapped by a massive beartrap. Kraven planned hunting another species but this monster's head will do just fine. Venom peels the trap from his bloodied leg and jumps after the hunter. On his way down, Kraven pulls a massive rifle, hitting the alien in the shoulder and dangerously injuring Eddie inside. It breaks the gun and explains to Eddie that while mostly bulletproof, a gun of this caliber can't be stopped. They hurriedly make their way to the hospital.

I was just kidding about the bulletproof part.

   On the way, Edide passes out. Venom doesn't remember where the hospital is exactly and manages to scare the hell out of a couple in an alley. The issue wraps with Dr Steven enjoying some cereal at his computer at Alchemax while watching the news. There's a sudden crash and he turns to see Venom, now morphing into a bloody and distorted mess and begging for help. With that, this issue is left to be continued.
   A few books back, I switched from reading and reviewing Punisher in lieu of this title. Now a few books in, I only wish I'd have done it sooner. Mike Costa knows him some Venom, and with Mark Bagley's sharp pencils, there's a team churning out stories on everybody's favorite freaky alien that will endure for a long time. Back to doing some lethal protectoring, this title's Marvel Legacy is intact. And I for one can't wait to see where it's heading. I give this one a 9/10.

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All New Guardians of the Galaxy #12

WE SAID HELLO, GOODBYE

Written by Gerry Duggan
Penciled by Rod Reis
Cover by Francesco Mattina
Published Oct 18, 2017

   Rocket insults Earth and Pete takes up for his once home. They're looking for Infinity Stones, while Gamora meets with Doctor Strange inside the Soul World. He explains to her that the reflection may not have her best interests at heart but he'll keep searching.

Strange slammed that door like a boss.

   On the other side of town, Drax meets with Cable who tells him he doesn't know what he's talking about. As he takes off, it turns out it was Loki in disguise. He learns of Gamora and Strange's meeting but takes solace in the fact the Guardians have yet to discover anything.
   Outside the ship, Quill, Rocket and Drax roast hot dogs when Gamora demands they leave. During boarding, Rocket smells something and finds a stowed-away Deadpool proving that Gerry Duggan has a problem ever leaving his little cash cow out of one of his books. They toss him out and take off. Now airborne, Rocket scratches an itch and it turns out to be Ant Man.

At least it isn't Deadpool!

   Gamora pulls a blade on him while he explains. He asks if any of them have effed up so bad before that they have to leave an entire planet - a situation all of them share except Gamora. Rocket tells him nobody wants to hear his story but he is cool enough to ride with them. He asks where Groot is and all hell breaks loose.

Where's the dancing tree?!

   The Guardians pull a u-turn and head back to the swamp. There baby Groot hangs with Man-Thing, who tells him he doesn't have any clues as to the locations of the infinity stones, but does show them various dimensions with other incarnations of the team. Bigger Groots, Major Victory, Moondragon, Captain Marvel, and even Cosmo the Space Dog. Man-Thing tells them he'll keep an eye out. 

For being a plant...thing, Man-Thing has a lot figured out.

   The issue concludes with Ant Man recruiting some ants for the trip and running onto the ship. They're just about to take off when a horde of Nova Corps run aboard and tell them all they're coming with them. With that, we're left to be continued.
   This seems to be one of the last holdout series tying a few ends together before joining the Legacy train but with this conclusion, everything looks to be full speed ahead. The next issue teases the group joining the Novas and preparing for who-knows-what. I'm just excited to see the re-numbering. No other series was rebooted more than this one, a fact that has been extremely irritating and finally looks to give them a little more continuity. As far as this issue, I give it a 9/10.

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X-Men Blue #13

MOJO WORLDWIDE pt II

Written by Cullen Bunn
Penciled by Jorge Molina
Cover by Arthur Adams
Published Oct 11, 2017

   The X-Men continue to fight the various battles Mojo has constructed for them, all while being on live television. Kitty works to save civilians while Prestige aka Rachel aka The Hound has a nice reunion with her, um, younger Dad. She uses his psychic connection with Jean to talk with all of the members simultaneously. 

How about Dad Jr.?

   The sentinels address them and Mojo's face explains it's all for ratings. Cyclops wonders aloud if it's all special effects and Bloodstorm is immediately impaled and killed to show them the reality. Renewed with anger, they attack with everything they've got.
   Meanwhile in an Asgard like tundra, the Frost Giants attack a different group of X-Men. Rachel explains to them that it's all real, and that they've already lost Bloodstorm. Distracted, Angel is grabbed from behind. While on the third set, a team is assembled to fight the demons from Inferno. Rachel explains how dire the situation is, as Beast is tempted by the mystic creatures. 

Hey Beast, join the cool kids club!

   As all of this unfolds, everyone watches worldwide. Mojo tells them that the fall of the X-Men is all for their entertainment, while the Avengers fight from the outside of the bubble to try and free them. He cuts from the broadcast and his producer, Major Domo tells him the ratins are still somewhat suffering and they need to wait for stage 2. Nonsense, the spineless one yells. Flying demons drop prizes to the people watching while Mojo spins the wheel - equipped with a variety of the biggest crossover events in the comic's history.

Wheel.. Of... MISFORTUNE!

   Rachel is blasted from behind, lucky to be alive when Cyclops is seized by a sentinel. About to be terminated, the robot is struck from behind and the X-Men turn to see former ally and inter-dimensional best friend Longshot. The three fingered, glammed out mulleted hero swings in and explains he's been siphoning off viewers from Mojo. He tells his subscribers that anything goes as Mojo looks to be changing the game. Without warning, they turn to see an enraged Magneto from Asteroid M. Will they be able to defeat their greatest enemy ever? We'll have to wait as this issue is left to be continued.

So does Longshot's eye not glow anymore, so he has to wear Bowie makeup?

   YES! Longshot! The character that literally got me reading comic books back in 1989 returns to the pages of X-Men once again. This crossover looks to be pretty epic, and the greatest part about it is that I wasn't really expecting it to be. While it's kind of a drag that Spider-Man, Avengers, Hulk and others all get their legacy numbers while Uncanny X-Men get left out, at least the spirit is here. All my favorite characters in one book once again? I'll take it. I give this one a 10/10.

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Uncanny Avengers #28

STARS AND GARTERS pt I

Written by Jim Zub
Penciled by Sean Izaakse
Cover by RB Silva
Published Oct 11, 2017

   Johnny Storm walks away from the lawyer, refusing to speak about the Fantastic Four. As his peers finally convince him to listen, it turns out that he's the sole living heir to all of Reed and Sue's inventions and patents, a trove of intellectual property that makes him suddenly a billionaire.

Wait, what?! Ok. Where do I sign?

   Meanwhile, Beast walks the streets to meet a friend, impressing a little girl along the way. When he arrives at the bar, Wonder Man has already started on a few pints without him. Together they catch up. Henry McCoy dazzles Simon Williams with tales of his latest screwups. From transporting the original X-Men to the future, betraying them and joining the Inhumans, and even working for Hydra. Wonder-Man matches him with tales of being both dead and alive, a failed actor, a failed Avenger, and being pulled back to life during a kiss between Rogue and Deadpool. Suddenly they hear a siren, and the two immediately leap into action.

Let's go, broceephus!

   Over coffee, Rogue and original Avenger Janet Van Dyne talk about her taking over the role as the groups leader. While being hesitant, the Wasp refuses to take no for an answer, while nearby Johnny laments about being forced to pay taxes. 

Johnny Storm never stops complaining.

   Back on the streets, a newly pacifist Wonder-Man and Beast fight the supervillains, eventually subduing the escaping armored truck they're in. The two hand them over to police, and with a high-five continue their bromance as what I assume are now members of the Avengers? Maybe?

Bro?! BRO!

   At a nearby restaurant, Quicksilver and Synapse talk over dessert. He's just on the cusp of telling her how much he likes her when she gets a call from Rogue. They suit up and zip over to the old mansion which now lies in ruins. Scarlet Witch and Doctor Voodoo summon magical assistance, and a mystic army of builder bots begin repairing the massive headquarters piece by piece. As the tiny crew works, Quicksilver loudly complains about messing with sorcery when a falling Juggernaut appears to be milliseconds from crushing them. What happens next? We'll have to wait to find out as this one is left to be continued.

Doctor Voodoo looks like he's the only one onto something.

   While it appears to me that this title will remain the bastard stepchild of the Avengers universe, I'm kind of ok with that. I remember as a kid reading West Coast Avengers, usually part of some grab bag or freebie deal, and thinking how these guys were like the Avengers cooler cousins. That's kind of the vibe this book give off. I once considered moving on from this one but at this point, it's such a quick and decent monthly read, I'd miss it too much. As far as this issue goes, I give it an 8/10.

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Deadpool #287

DEADPOOL KILLS CABLE pt I: TAKE TWO

Written by Gerry Duggan
Penciled by Scott Koblish
Cover by David Lopez
Published Oct 11, 2017

   Cable lies in a pool of blood while his arm's AI injects pure adrenaline into him. Swiping at him from the darkness is the REAL Deadpool he knows. Not the Avenger. He calls for Trista and Belle hits Wade with a massive burst of energy. He keeps the former member of the Unity Squad enveloped in a pain stasis while he hobbles away to recharge. Once he's out of range, Deadpool falls to the ground and follows the trail of blood.

The old and improved Deadpool!

   Shooting up a newspaper stand on the way, he walks into the hospital blasting. While injuring scores of people on the way, Cable hits him with an air tank, scaring patients and doctors alike. Cable wants to know why he's trying to kill him again, and after a quick Marvel Legacy joke, the fight goes on. He tells Wade that he'd warned Captain America but according to Deadpool, it's all Cap's fault. He hits an MRI machine and disable's Cable's body jump.

I still don't get what the constant tak-tak-tak thing was...

   Deadpool pulls out a carbon free katana blade, and swipes down on Cable's arm, severing it. With a blow ready that would certainly decapitate him, he's frozen. Time officers have popped in thinking Cable is actually his evil clone Stryfe. They arrest him, and as they teleport away, Deadpool whiff's the sword hard into the air.

Thanks, Citizen.

   Suddenly the hospital phone rings and it's the real Stryfe - the time jumping gangster who's goaded Deadpool into this kill list in the first place, who tells him he still has all the tools. Wade picks up Cable's bionic arm and stabs his sword through a door. He uses it to sever his own arm and orders his own little demonic AI to incapacitate Belle.He attaches the arm to his own socket and prepares to timejump. Deadpool's coming for Cable but we're gonna have to wait, as this issue is left to be continued.

That's yo' ass.

   Say whaaaaaaaaat?! Was that the best issue of Deadpool I've ever read? Is it just me or has Marvel Legacy just pulled Wade back to where he's supposed to be. If the merc with a mouth rides the fence of good vs evil, I prefer him to be a little on the evil side. Face it - it was never a good idea to make Deadpool a good guy for this long. Props to Gerry Duggan for taking the training wheels off again. I'm pretty stoked for the future here. I give this one a 10/10.

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